Is Mum Really Fine? 10 Signs Your Ageing Parent May Need Extra Help

“I am fine. Don’t worry about me.” If you have an ageing Nigerian parent, you probably know that sentence. Sometimes it means exactly what it says. Other times, Mum or Dad may be struggling with something they do not want to trouble the family about.

Not every change means your parent needs a full-time caregiver. But certain changes are worth asking about, especially when they are new, getting worse or affecting safety. Some can be caused by treatable health problems, so a medical review is often the right first step.

1. Meals are getting skipped

Maybe the pot is still empty at 4 p.m. Maybe there is food in the kitchen but nobody has cooked it. Poor appetite, difficulty shopping, memory problems or tiredness can all play a part. Ask what has changed rather than assuming they are simply being stubborn.

2. Medication is being missed or mixed up

You notice tablets left in their packs, duplicate doses, or repeated confusion about which medicine is for morning or night. This deserves attention. Do not change the prescription yourself; ask a pharmacist or clinician to review the medicines and the safest way to manage them.

3. Bathing and dressing have become difficult

Someone who was always neat may begin wearing the same clothes for days or avoiding the bathroom. The problem might be pain, poor balance, low mood, tiredness or fear of falling. Look for the reason, not just the appearance.

4. They have fallen, nearly fallen, or started holding onto furniture

A new walking difficulty should be assessed. Falls are not something families should dismiss as “normal old age.” Clear slippery or cluttered routes, improve lighting, and seek advice about mobility support.

5. The house is becoming harder to manage

Unwashed plates, spoiled food, unpaid household bills, or a bedroom abandoned because the stairs are now too difficult may tell you that daily tasks are becoming too much. Sometimes a small amount of help can make a big difference.

6. They have stopped doing things they enjoy

If Dad no longer visits his friends, or Mum has stopped attending the church, mosque or community group she enjoys, ask why. It may be transport difficulties, hearing loss, pain, grief, depression or something else. A good conversation is better than guessing.

7. You notice changes in memory or judgement

Forgetting an occasional name happens. Becoming lost in a familiar place, repeatedly missing important tasks, or making new unsafe decisions calls for a health assessment. Dementia is not the only possible explanation; medication effects, infections and other conditions may also cause changes.

8. They are losing weight without meaning to

Unexpected weight loss can have many causes, including dental problems, illness, low mood or difficulty preparing meals. It is a reason to book a clinical review, not a reason to start supplements without finding out what is happening.

9. Phone calls are different

Maybe they repeat questions more than usual, sound unusually confused, or cannot describe what happened during the day. If you live abroad, a video call may reveal things a voice call does not, but do not use one call to diagnose a condition.

10. The person caring for them is exhausted

Sometimes the first person who needs support is not the older parent. It is the daughter missing work, the spouse waking every night, or the sibling doing everything alone. A care arrangement should consider the health and sustainability of the whole household.

So what should you do?

1. Start a calm conversation. Ask what has become more difficult and what help your parent would actually welcome.
2. Arrange a medical assessment for new or worsening physical, memory or behaviour changes.
3. Make the home safer: remove trip hazards, improve lighting, check steps and bathroom access.
4. Agree on one or two practical changes: help with meals, transport, medication reminders or scheduled care visits.
5. Review the situation. A parent who manages today may need a different level of support later.

When not to wait

Sudden confusion, new weakness on one side of the body, difficulty speaking, chest pain, severe breathing difficulty or loss of consciousness requires emergency medical attention. Do not wait for a home-care appointment.

What if your parent refuses help?

Avoid announcing, “We are bringing a caregiver because you can no longer manage.” Try asking, “Which part of the day would you like to make easier?” Involve them in choosing support wherever possible. Their preferences and dignity matter.

How Insyt FamilyCare can help

Insyt FamilyCare can carry out an in-home assessment and recommend the level of support appropriate to your parent’s needs. You can begin with a conversation and decide what works for your family after reviewing the plan.